


Emotional Silence

by Mathieus



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Blood, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Feelings, Graphic Description, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other, Poetry, References to Depression, Sad, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 22:06:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16416866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mathieus/pseuds/Mathieus
Summary: First of all a trigger warning for those who are sensitive to implied sucidial thoughts, self harm it is mentioned in this poem. Most of it is just implied but still it can still be triggering for some so please just be aware of this before you read it!I wrote this to describe to others what it is like living inside my head when I'm dealing with my extremes of depression, a lot of it is guilt and shame over how I feel, how my brain chooses to cope with it and what my firsts thoughts always lean towards.It is a journey of how my mind copes with sucidial thoughts, self-harming thoughts and just depression in general. How I lash out at myself more so than anyone else on the face of the planet and feel comfort in this feeling even though I'm ashamed and guilt ridden for how I feel and what I feel.So basically feelings are complicated and mine are contradictory and conflict with each other.





	Emotional Silence

Silence

Everything starts with silence and ends with me screaming, berating myself for things I cannot control.

Within the silence I remember all the violence the voices that scream inside me how I'm worthless and I shouldn't feel this hopeless.

I'm privileged living a life, that has possiblities that are endless and yet the only time I feel alive and myself is within these moments of silence.

The only time I feel relief is when I'm hurting myself to get rid of the memories, the pain of existing that weighs down my very being.

And then I'm bleeding suddenly regret flashes in my mind and I feel ashamed with who I am on the in and outside, I ask my self a question I dare not speak out loud is this worth it?

Living is the price I pay for all these feelings that build inside my mind and bottle up inside me festering until I'm screaming...

all I can hear is murmurs of voices telling me that I'm indeed worthless and I deserve this the guilt that lingers and festers consuming me. I shout...my voice a husk pained...from sudden volume 

"PLEASE BE QUIET

I JUST WANT

SILENCE!!!!!"

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism is more than welcome, I hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading!


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